Would you like to assess your Self-Esteem and confidence and why you have an issue with this feeling? Self-esteem and confidence are something you have your own beliefs about yourself. What do you think and do daily self-talk?
Your beliefs are strong and never change unless you install new beliefs and see your world with a new perspective. But HOW that is always a big question. Many times you feel more confused because you want to change your old beliefs.
And because you are habituated to see and perceive this world with the old beliefs. Your mind tells you and gives you many stories as a prediction. So, be a little slow with your thoughts first. Let’s assess your self-esteem.
Kindly write on a piece of paper and try to avoid technology so that you are more expressive in terms of your understanding and self-belief. These few questions help you to show your path where you can understand your self-beliefs and behaviours.
Do not consider your behaviors as are only key points to change your beliefs. Because we all follow a monotonous behavioral system. We just do because we always do. We never think before we are doing it. Because it is habit.
Do you visualize or imagine negative outcomes before you start with new project or work?
(YES or NO)
Do you need validation from someone before you make some decisions?
(YES or NO)
Do you believe that I am always having self-confidence issues?
(YES or NO)
Do you correlate your past failures with the present or future outcomes?
(YES or NO)
Do you believe in what others believe for you?
(YES or NO )
The above questions are very simple and straight to bring your attention to your problems. And when you write this on a piece of paper you may have some memories, experiences and outcomes of the past which come to the surface. If you are getting this kind of visualization then do also mention the same on a piece of paper. You will be able to find your real stigma.
A few days ago one of my clients visited me by saying that I am always getting the same outcome even though how much I have started with a fresh attitude. Why is it so? Am I so vulnerable or submissive that how much I try it always gets worse? I failed in exams, I broke my relationship and I could not feel confident enough to appear in exams.
This is always a trend in my life. Why am I not feeling good about myself and always have negative self-talk? Do you think I lost my opportunities because I am weak? And he was outburst in tears. While he was expressing his emotions I asked him to mention the same on a piece of paper. And after only a few minutes he found his victimization.
His unresolved and undealt emotions. He understood why he felt unheard and nobody cared just the beliefs of his mind. This is how you may also find the root cause of low self-esteem and confidence. But few Psychological techniques help to understand yourself more.
Find your Assumptions:
As you were raised you have installed some basic beliefs by your parents and then school. Because you can easily accommodate society and make your life easier. But in those teachings, you may find some assumptions as well.
Because you are habituated to perceive information with the same belief. For example,” I am never good at communication.”, “I always make blunders.”, “I am not good at bargaining.”, “I am fearful of people’s judgements.” etc.
When you make some assumptions based on your experience about you then you see all life incidents and experiences with the same assumptions only. And you are not ready to see yourself from a new perspective. Hidden fear of facing uncertainty is the only hurdle. So you must find your assumptions and correct them.
Weaknesses and qualities:
Every person is blessed with some good qualities and skills. And it is the responsibility of every one of us to find inner skills. Your qualities are your strength to make your life happy. But as you grow you grow with your assumptions. You lost faith in your skills because you never got validation from others especially your loved ones like parents, relatives, siblings etc.
As soon as you lose faith in yourself you find that someone is driving you. Someone is making decisions based on their assumptions and understanding. In many cases it happens parents’ expectations are more dominant and one loses his persona while in other cases they get so much of a free environment they forget to take responsibility for themselves.
In short, when you grow in any extremities you are unable to see yourself. And you are always confused about what is wrong with you. In such a case, you can make a list of weaknesses and qualities. Once you have listed and found what is major improving area of your life you start working on the same.
Do not Predict:
As you have your self-fulfilling prophecy you would like to see only things which you would like to see and the rest you eliminate. And with the half-truth, you are trying to analyse the complete information. However, our brain is so fast in proving our beliefs, that we are unable to analyse complete information and hence decisions are always wrong or half wrong.
When you are assuming yourself and others you are mostly overgeneralized. Because of that before you act you predict. You start becoming judgmental. A girl is having a depressive mood. She believes so strongly that her friends do not like her. One day she made up a plan with her friend and for some reason, her friend cancelled the program.
Now, the girl out of her mood issue overgeneralized and concluded that I am always right that my friends do not like to be with me. However, her friend has a genuine reason to cancel the program. If you can see this example and try to correlate the same you feel how you predict things before it happens.
Just Do It:
Mostly people who have low self-esteem and confidence try to attach outcomes before they do it. They are more anxious and feel stressed by thinking the worst. And try to make excuses. If you tend to attach to the outcome and only see the worst then JUST DO IT.
It does not mean not counting on challenges and uncertainty. But rather take daily a calculative step to face the fear. Daily introspect your moves and how you feel to act without attaching to an outcome. Anti dot to build self-confidence is just do it. Achieve some milestones daily. Try to count them. Appreciate yourself and repeat it if you feel good about yourself.
In this world, we need appreciation from others. It is important for us what others are thinking. But before you self-caged yourself think what you think about yourself. What do you want and what stops you? Self-confidence is practice and do it daily until you become a version of yourself.