This concept of positive thinking, visualisation or imagination became so famous after “The Secret” was published. Many people are fascinated with the idea of positive thinking and imagination. But still, many people have lots of doubts and questions regarding positive thinking or positive psychology. Today I am sharing with you one of the most important topics about “GRATITUDE”.

Gratitude is only one single dimension of positive psychology. As a positive psychologist, I also believe that thinking positively even in the worst situation helps a human mindset to be calm. stay confident, feel less anxious, able to control and understand emotions. Above all one can feel so happy and serene. Like they feel deattached from situations. people and outcomes.

What is Positive Psychology?

Positive psychology is one of the streams of psychology that focuses on mental well-being, happiness, and state of flow. It does not address problems and weaknesses but identifies mental assets like courage, developing a strong positive attitude, building skills, acceptance, resilience, state of flow, happiness, bliss etc. In simple words, positive psychology encourages one to become self-worthy enough so one can get lots of happiness. Rather one is crying for rotten bread.

Positive psychology helps a person to make bread. However, positive psychology is criticised because it neglects the core negative area and emphasises the positive area of life. But it should not be denied that if one only focuses on and targets negative areas all the time there is always a chance to feel like a victim. Let’s discuss GRATITUDE one of the parts of Positive Psychology.

What is Gratitude?

So many people are still unaware of Gratitude and how to practice it. Gratitude is an act of being thankful towards people, things, situations and life. As a human, we have been blessed by so many things. And we never pay anything for those blessings.

We are blessed by our bodies, the air which we breathe, the water which we drink, the food which we eat and so much more. If we count some of the blessings we could not even make it in the factory. Like air or water. We all are blessed for someone’s kind act of innovation so we can live our lives with this zest.

Gratitude is an act of observation to see the positive side rather than just the negative side. Gratitude is something to look at what is there rather than what is lacking. Because our human mind is never satisfied with what we have. It always looks for inadequacy and feels inadequacy. We all tend to cry for problems but never tend to feel good for what we have. This attitude always creates negativity.

We feel our life is unfair. We are always surrounded by problems rather than solutions. We crib for small small things. But never say “Thank you” for big things as mentioned earlier. Gratitude helps to grow you faster as your vision never sticks to inadequacy but simultaneously looks for achievements and blessings as well.  Gratitude does not mean ignoring or overlooking the negative or problematic side of life.

But by practicing Gratitude one can achieve strength and courage which helps to deal with negative emotions. When you feel depressed and anxious everything you observe is all or nothing. There is a rule of overgeneralization applied to all information. This makes a person more vulnerable and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are absorbed which influence thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

How to practice Gratitude?

As you learn about Gratitude. You may think let me try once. So here I am putting a practical activity which helps you practice gratitude. Gratitude can be practised for any live or dead thing, person or even for any situation. Because Gratitude is a deliberate act of being positive. In this practice, you need a paper or pen. Or you may use your devices also for writing. You also make a special Gratitude journal.

Step 1: List of the things you are grateful for:

As mentioned earlier Gratitude is a deliberate action. Hence you can select any dead things also which make your life very easy and you can get so much of benefit. When you follow the below chart then you will also observe certain unobserved things as well. Mention them as well. You will be more conscious now onwards when you were not there.

I am feeling good and blessed which I never thought earlier.

Step 2: List of the Situations:

In our lives, we only memorise good situations and experiences. But we never become a person by good situations. Always challenging and problematic situations make us something. When we think about them we feel sad, depressed and distressed. Because those situations have given us pain and sorrow. But today take any of the situations which make you vulnerable or sad.

Think opportunities you were getting from that situation. Yes, that situation was a very tough time in your life. But that time only empowered you to become something. Rather you see and correlate every situation with that situation just observe opportunities you got from which have improved you and developed you.

The practice of this particular activity will help you to overcome your regret and curse feelings. Because as much as you build hatred feelings that much you become negative. As it affects your core belief about yourself, others and this world.

But when you find opportunities in unwanted and distressed situations you start building strength and a positive attitude towards negative situations as well. It builds up your confidence and resilience attitude in you. Once you rate yourself you feel your feelings which gives you more optimistic feelings about that situation.

Step 3: List of the People:

Lots of people help us directly or indirectly. Many of them we come across and some of them we never come across. Here, I will take the example of a farmer. He never met me and I never saw him. But he worked hard to sow food for me and this humanity. But because of him, many survived on this mother earth. So when I feel grateful for him I feel grateful for the food I have at the dinner table. I never experienced how and what processing has been done. But I am blessed that I am getting which fills my hunger.

When you feel grateful for those whom you never met you start observing consciously those things which you took up till now as granted. You become more alert and conscious before you make any complaint. Before you feel the frustration of something going wrong in parking or the situation of too much traffic. You get back your resilience and start observing good things. Because after this practice you may look for more blessings rather look for complaints.

Example: I am so grateful that I am getting twenty-four hours of electricity. Which gives me light in the darkness. Thank you to power generated house and the people working there. because of them, I am blessed with Electricity.

When you practice Gratitude you feel good and automatically your senses draw your attention towards those things which empower you. When you feel gratitude your tendency to complain and crib for small rotten things will change. You become more observant and conscious before you take any pessimistic thought. You think twice about which thought you want to think and then you will empower yourself with the optimistic one.

How does Gratitude affect your mental well-being?

As you might start practising while reading this article. You immediately feel good or maybe overwhelmed a little as well. Because then your mind will give all noticeable items which you have never observed. All humans on this earth are suffering from hedonic adaptation.

Hedonic adaptation is where we come to a stable level of happiness despite having positive or negative situations. Due to this we never acknowledge those things which we get at no cost. Like Sunlight, oxygen, the body etc. When you start observing those things your mind will be trained to see things which are more positive and healthy.

Boost your confidence Level:

As you observed yourself in a difficult situation and the way you have handled it. It boosts your confidence level. Because you now understand your ability, strength and capacity to deal with difficult times. You will always prepare yourself for tough times. And without having a single pessimistic thought you become more optimistic. Because here you judge yourself with situations and people. You build confidence because you only dealt with it. You now understand your weaknesses and limitations which you can overcome with it easily.

Build a more resilient Attitude:

Attitude matters most. When you know that you are confident enough and have self-trust that you can solve any problem you develop a resilient attitude. You become flexible with any situation. And try to accommodate yourself with it by accepting it. Then you change it accordingly. Remember when you learn to be grateful you also learn much about acceptance. Rather than becoming adamant you are more flexible to the situation and change gradually according to your expectations.

Less Complaining more blessings (More calm and balance mind):

As you decide one or two days as gratitude days. You are more focused towards blessings. When you list your blessings you also can count positive things rather than negative things. You slowly develop a tendency to see good things and points first rather than negative ones. This attitude gives you a calm and serene mind. You have more control over your anger and frustration. You become within yourself. And never judge others based on their communications and behaviours which help you to be more natural with yourself.

Draw your Limit:

When you can see and feel what gives you happiness and calm mind you love to be there. When you understand your mind you also can understand toxicity. Sometimes we are so absorbed in others that we forget ourselves. And that leads to more toxicity. Because then we start expecting them to behave the way we want. When you understand that your interactions with certain people, places and situations make you more vulnerable you start developing boundaries. You will feel grateful and make your strong way which gives of flow state and happiness.

You learn Forgiveness:

When you are grateful for negative events and count on your opportunities you find yourself in the mode of forgiving others. Because we accept that everyone has their thoughts and insecurities. Every human has a purpose in their life. But some may contradict us. When we feel grateful we become stronger to forgive that person because when you introspect deep down you find opportunities to solve that problem or challenge.

Criticism for Gratitude

Gratitude practice has been criticised also because by ignoring or avoiding negative things one cannot build up a strong empire. This statement in a way is right but with the approach of a narrow point. Because if you want to change your perception, cognition and behaviours which give you long-term happiness and a serene mind. The practice of gratitude is the first step to achieving.

Because it never taught us to overlook negative points but it asks for more acceptance. As when you accept something you are in a position to change. Because you are not resisting with the reality. To be grateful is a practice of becoming a positive person. Which builds a strong character and personality. By accepting and being grateful for difficult times your willpower becomes stronger to reach to expected results.

Hope you get quite a good insight into one of the practices of Positive Psychology. For any questions, you may contact us or book an appointment for a session.

Thank you. Be always Grateful.

He took his wife’s help and with the support of the family, he succeeded in grabbing a new job after several attempts. But B became upset and depressed with this incident. He became more adamant that he needs only the same job or he does not want to try for a new one. B has slowly developed a routine which made him more lazy.  He is always postponing his important calls for job interviews.

He refused to take help from family and friends. He is always complaining to management because they have fired him. Now, as you are reading the above example you may find differences in reactions for the same situation. Why? Every human has different power to react differently in the same situations.

Because attitude and belief make a lot of difference in building up a Resilient personality. You may find many people jump start and come back so fast after some traumatic situation. While you may find many never able to come back. Resilience is something not always achieving something in terms of Success. But Resilience means you become flexible in tough situations or after a traumatic situation.

Today this important article will give you an insight about how to deal with a tough situation. Today you learn about Resilience.

Interpretations of Incidents

Life Events and Incidents taught us a lot. Challenges and problems in life help us to become better versions of ourselves. Hence it is important how you interpret life incidents. As we take the above example once again. “A” found a new job and he has succeeded in his career rather than becoming upset and discouraged. After a few years, “A” was found at a psychologist’s office for therapy because his wife divorced him.

Here, “B” is grateful and feels good that he has started a business and now his business is moderately successful. He thought that I always wanted to become a businessman and hence I am grateful that I lost my job. Otherwise, I might not be a successful person. It is very important after all traumatic situations how you interpret in your head.

If you see any trauma as trauma and are adamant & think, “Why has it happened to me?” Then you may lose confidence that I am capable of doing something. Remember it is important to understand how you interpreted your life’s incidents. How would you interpret your life’s incidents?

• Accept trauma as it is. When you see things as it and feel them as it is. Then you will be able to interpret it well. So let’s take the above example where you think “A” did not lose his confidence while he lost his job. But later in his life, he lost his emotionality while he faced divorce. You think is right but what do you do when you can change the situation and when you can’t change the situation? It is important to understand anything before you conclude. ACCEPT THINGS BEFORE YOU CHANGE IT.
• Blame – Game. When something is not going well in life our mind looks for excuses. You may also be part of such a blame game. When you find that some expectations did not meet then you blame others or yourself. When you provoke negative thoughts without a neutral approach to any incidents then you lose power over your emotionality.
• Accept you as you are. It is difficult many times that you accept yourself with all your flaws, weaknesses and qualities. When you introspect, introspect yourself with a whole bunch of everything. But our beliefs never give us the freedom to think beyond that. When you accept your weaknesses and limitations you have the power to see the situations with actual interpretation. And without becoming an imposter you fairly view to yourself.

Beliefs and Attitudes

If you are taking sessions from Cognitive Behaviour Therapists then they are always concerned about your conceptual cycle. In any session, they try to reach to actual cause that lies beneath the problem. Because your behaviour is a part of your thought process. As you think and feel and you act.

But where do we get our beliefs? Are we getting them by ourselves or do we take them from others? Beliefs we have since our childhood. Raising the skills of any kid determines what a person will believe about himself and others. In the same way, you also have some beliefs about yourself. Like,” I never become tough on anyone and hence people take advantage of me.”, “I found a lack of confidence while I was addressing a group of people. My mom always told me that you are a weak communicator so I am.” But these are your beliefs.

That teaches you to see things as you want to see them. But not the other way around. So in any traumatic situation find your beliefs. What do you believe about self and this world?

Attitude plays a major role in developing resilience. Because in any given situation your attitude can only give you self-confidence and build your willpower in what you want to achieve. Your attitudes towards failures, traumas and depressed situations change your view to perceive things differently. If you are facing financial issues and you find your attitude that you worried before you spent.

You find financial trauma all the time. Because that is how you can see yourself and your relationship with money. But when you develop an attitude to see yourself as always resourceful then you slowly shift towards seeing things in a positive direction. You can make a difference in what will happen to your emotions and then your behaviours.

Resilience does not necessarily success

Resilience is not necessarily a success. Resilience means emotionally and mentally you are stable and taking hold of your thoughts. Of course, this is very difficult for anyone to control thoughts due to the flow of automatic thoughts. When you learn resilience you take charge of your consciousness and your thoughts are under control. To learn resilience one needs to follow two important steps.

One learns to interpret situations and second to understand own beliefs. When you follow these important two steps you learn about resilience. It does not mean that you succeed as there are many traumas which never change. Situations are not in control and hence need to accept is one of the important tasks of resilience.

Resilience – Learn what you can change and what you cannot

What would you think once you are reading the above details? What do you find from the article? Practically if you want to change external factors it is important to change them internally first. You may face three types of things in any given situation.

• If the situation can be changed, follow your action.
• If the situation cannot be changed, then work on your emotional reactions.
• If the situation can be changed but you are distressed because you need to take some steps. So work on your emotions and actions

Resilience is a very important subject to learn especially in mental state issues. Many people I found are not ready to take even a single step.

They come to counselling sessions because they feel a psychologist can fix everything. But it is important to learn about self-behaviour. And actions are important to take to change any negative emotional stressors and beliefs.

How do you think positively when everything is grey? Especially, when you going through some traumatic situations in life. And you feel just merely by thinking positively, really things are working in a positive direction? Of course, your doubt is correct. Merely thinking positively never changes the outcome.

In fact when all is Grey in life then thinking positively is something to explain Red Colour to a Blind Man. And that is the reason I have tried to give you a satisfactory answer. Let’s today you learn something from this piece of content and apply it to see some changes. But before this Do not forget “Change is Always Hard but It Bears Great Fruits”

What is the meaning of positive thinking?

Positive thinking means you deliberately select or choose what you want to feel. If giving you an example when you are facing an issue of Divorce or separation or some financial loss or death of someone to whom you loved most. But you feel yourself with the negative feelings of sadness, unhappiness, anxiety, fear, depression, etc. Because you do not want to accept pain. Because you do not want to feel the pain.

You do not want to experience pain and hence your conscious mind gives you limited information. Limited to past beliefs, memories, and experiences. That leads to a narrow understanding. You deliberately never choose to think differently but you think what you want to think, see the things which you want to see and feel what you do not want to feel. Because of your beliefs, assumptions, rules and regulations about you and your world.

Positive Thought Comes from Positive Feelings and Behaviours

Your mind is alerting you while you feel negative. And your body symptoms are alarming you. You think positively but you feel and behave negatively it never serves your purpose. Rather it creates chaos. Chaos creates messiness in your mind. It sabotages you and makes you believe that you are not self-sufficient.

So a few steps help you to think positively and get positive results.

Find your Beliefs:

It is a new concept for many people to find self-belief. Beliefs are created from self-fulfilling prophecies, experiences and memories. It is not difficult to find what you believe. But once you find what you believe about yourself and above this world. You start recognizing your self-stopping thoughts.

Because we all are driven by our past experience and so you are. As I mentioned earlier we do not want to feel pain we try to avoid it or we try to hit hard. So situation of fight-flight has been created. Once you know your belief you try to see the things apart from your self-fulfilling prophecy, which you have never seen. For example, a student is very good at academics. And everyone from his family praised him for his scores because no other person from his family had achieved what he achieved.

Now slowly parents developed expectations on a student. And a student also started feeling pressure to score well. He will then be anxious about his results. His anxiousness reaches a level where he feels tremendous pressure and judges his parents in all conversations. Even in normal conversation like in giving some good health advice misunderstood by a student and correlated with his scores. Here, he misjudged and correlated all matters with his anxious thoughts about his scores.

May be possible you also face similar issues. So it is important to understand belief. And writing down those beliefs gives you more clarity. It is difficult to change beliefs but one can get professional support.

Choose and be definite about what you want to think:

As I mentioned above, how to think positively when everything is grey? But the choice is yours. Even in bad shape, you can select your most inspired thoughts. You can select to be motivated and slowly the needle moves in the direction of feeling good. You think differently means you want to prove your thoughts you are right and hence you want to find some supporting incidents for the same. When you think positively you look for something which gives relief by selecting positive thoughts. To do so you may choose some activities to make those conscious efforts.

When you get negative thoughts your heart shakes. Or you may feel some other physical symptoms. Switch over to exact opposite thoughts or to think some other thoughts along with new behaviours. After a few minutes when you feel relaxed, you analyse your thought pattern. You feel it was for a moment. If you can handle your predictions and judgements before you act. You actually get results by converting them into actions. So find your belief and before you become judgmental and predict or attached to the outcome just perform.

The same actions never give the same results:

Now you may learn new things from the above details. If you think positively but behave similarly then you get no new results. But rather you frustrated and become unfocused. Tired of the same actions. And you start procrastinating and prolonging things. Remember FEAR AND ANXIETY BRINGS UNPRODUCTIVE MOMENTS. But the new selection of thoughts and behaviours gives some other results. As you have read an example of a student

He misjudged everyone with his anxiety about a higher score or being the best in academics. He chooses to pressure himself. He started blaming himself and pressurized himself more to study. Eventually, he feels inattentive and prolongs his studies. But if he chose to see and perceive things as it is without becoming judgmental. He performs not only well but he studies smartly. If he also counters his anxiety helps him to understand his misjudgment.

To behave differently it is important to counter your beliefs and choose different actions to bear new fruits. If you choose to behave differently. There is always great measurement one can measure the connection between THOUGHTS-BEHAVIOURS, THOUGHTS – FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOURS – FEELINGS.

Deliberately Create What You Want?

You become creative when you understand yourself better. If you select to be happy in the worst condition means you are not victimizing your situation. But rather you want to accept and face the fears. When you deliberately choose what you want to feel you start behaving in the same way. Because your heart tells you that you feel good when you do some activities which increase your feel-good factor. To prove your feel-good factor you can see an opportunity lie in a stressful situation.

That is how you choose to see solution but not a problem. You deliberately create what you want. For example, you have some bad news today or you have a tough day at your work. Of course, you want to tell someone that today your day is tough. You want to report or complain about situations or people. But here you select to relax in your armchair and listen to some music with a great cup of coffee. You dwell in the aroma of coffee and listen to deep lyrics of music. Your needle moves to feel good feelings.

With that, you see a bad day definitely gave some opportunity to find. Because here you have deliberately chosen what you want. Rather than complain you select to relax and leave the matter as it was. You get your energy back and start feeling better. These are very basic self-help. You can always apply when you are mentally disturbed. Even very tough days will teach you to change your thoughts and feelings. And you want them as well.

ACT – Acceptance- Commitment Therapy:

Here, I am not saying you just be positive. But committed to self that you accept what it is as it is. Then you get your power back. As mentioned earlier if a student misjudged his parents for their normal health conversation. He needs to talk freely if he really misunderstands. Before he selects negative self-talk or annoyed with parents by indulging in hot discussion. He has to accept that his own self-expectations put him down.

Rather he is complaining about his parents or prolonging his studies he needs to accept his anxiety. Once you fully accept the feelings you feel you are in power to change it. But when you do not accept it means you resist it and you lose power to change the same. It is foremost important to accept and then commit to yourself about your thoughts, feelings and behaviours all in a row.

Important Tips to Develop Positive Thinking:

• Introspect daily how many complaints you did
• Do you consciously select your thoughts and feelings or it depends on situations?
• Make a list of beliefs about self and others
• Make a list of beliefs others have about you
• Develop Faith in yourself by Journaling and prayers
• Only positive thinking never changes but your attitude changes your feelings
• Become action-oriented not thoughts oriented
• Work with your If-Then
• Practice Self-Confidence

I love to cure your mental health-related issues. Life is precious and you get this for a limited time. Either you waste it by concerning and negative feelings or you choose wisely what you want. Book a session to learn more about yourself. Happy to cure you.