Even after Corona’s time, you might have seen people become perfectionists in cleaning their homes and offices. They are managing things with perfection and following a very perfect routine all the time. If such people just miss the little perfection they feel like they are the culprit. They feel they are inadequate and insufficient to accomplish certain tasks.

They kill themselves in the feeling of gult and their mood always depends upon how things are perfect. They always tried to keep things perfect and that perfection causes many mental disorders.

Where does this perfection come from?

To understand perfection it is important to know where it comes from. Your life is an accumulation of many factors. When you born you first encountered your parents. Then school, teachers and classmates, friends and so on. Your experiences with the world and with others make you some persona. You become something while you change many things. In short you mostly influenced by many aspects of your life. You decide to become something.

To achieve some targets and goals. You decide to make your life best and you design your life’s goals. But many times when you do not design someone else designs it. Sometimes you know what you want but you do not know how to achieve that goal. Then you may follow people who gives you advise or you follow because they achieve something in their life. But here need to think where is your control.

What do you want and how do you want is deciding factors. Are you design your life or it is someone else? Now let’s check below chart which gives you more idea about perfection.

SELF – PERFECTION

You put pressure on yourself to achieve something because

• PERSONALITY TRAITS

If you have nature to do detailing in all projects. If you have trait where you want everything should be manageable and perfect then you pressurizing yourself for the perfection. If your trait is to be a perfectionist then it might possible that you do things with utmost care and with detailed which gives you pressure. And if you are unable to do it with the expectation of perfection then you feel guilt about yourself.

• COMPARISION WITH OTHERS

When you compare your age, income, life style, health etc. with someone. When you compare your life with someone’s life. And you feel the pressure of achievement then it is a SELF-PERFECTION. If you understand this in detailed it is one of the psychological problem. As you never happy and satisfied what you did. You never appreciate yourself but always finding faults. In doing so you keep yourself pressure by having self-talk like,”I must do this, I should be good, I must follow the to-do list.” etc.

• MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION

Mental health condition like Obsessive Complusive Disorder (OCD) creates such self pressure of doing things perfectly. Perfection becomes their synonyms because they always have fear or anxiety of outcome. Hence they over deliver. Hence they put pressure to do more and more even it does not required. Typically you want to do some act repeatedly.

• BEING AN ACHIEVER

Your self -worth is what you achieve. You want to be an achiever and hence you just work with the perfection. You believe that your are only valuable when you achieve something valuable in your life. You keep beating yourself because you want to be an achiever. But it affects negatively as it affects your self-esteem and self-confidence.

SOCIAL PERFECTION

• SOCIAL PRESSURE

“What’s next? What you want to do? What you want become?, Think of your life if you do not do anything you end up with nothing.” You might have heard similar words from society. You feel peer pressure that you need to do something in your life.

You are interested in your creativity but you need to focus on earning money. And you finally end up in doing those jobs which you do not like. But you do all where you meets your ends. And you feel pressure. This pressure also converts into perfection. Because you afraid what people think of you. How they perceive you as a person. In order to get that validation you become perfectionist.

• PARENTS EXPECTATIONS

I know every parents want their child to be successful, rich and worthy enough. Sometimes parents are putting so much pressure on you in your childhood that it became your trauma. Your childhood trauma is one of the reason that you can become perfectionist. Because you do not want pain. Because you do not want to feel again that you are not worthy enough or useless.

PERFECTION ON OTHERS

• NEED FOR CONTROL

If you are a person where you want to control other people because you want to complete something than it ends in perfection. You keep pressure on others to do things as per your terms. In limited way to keep perfection pressure on others is a leadership quality but when it becomes dominance than it creates hassle and spoils relationships.

• HIGHER EXPECTATION ON OTHERS

When someone is an achiever than there is always an expectation that one should do more. In many organisations or even in many families if a person is an achiever automatically other people raise their expectations, This leads to perfection. An achiever always have fear of achieving more.

How perfection affects your mental health?

Perfection have significant effects the way you think, feel and behave. Because you are driven by perfection traits. Which creates pressure as you understand above.

• CAN PERFECTION CAUSE DEPRESSION

So answer is Yes. It is. When you set higher goal of achievement from the self because you have a fear of failure. When you are putting unrealistic goals in front of you then you have pressure. Each time you tried without understanding your ability, capacity and weaknesses. You find failure outcome.

You tried all the time and fall back. Each time you question self and at last you become depressed. It affects your mood as you are not getting results as per your expectations. You are not getting what you look for. As I have mentioned earlier in my blogs about real goals v\s. superficial goals.

• DO PERFECTIONIST HAS ANXIETY

Perfection is a sign of chronic anxiety. Why? When you have a fear that what if you are making mistakes. When you have fear what if a given task is not perfectly done. Chronic worries is a part of perfection. You are continuously worried about your outcome. You are continuously thinking what will be the results. Yes, over perfectionist faces anxiety.

• EATING DISORDERS

Eating is a reflection of your emotions. When you stressed, worried or depressed you may feel cravings. You feel a need of eating or not eating. There are two types of eating disorders where a person eats extremely less or too much. In both cases a person is worried about his body weight.

You think yourself as heavy weight and you controlled your eating. Fasting too much or do lots of exercises. There are two types of eating disorder which : anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. In Bulimia people used to have binge eating. They eat too much at one sitting.

And then they tried to vomit or take enema to pass stool. Even it is not required. In anorexia eating a person eats very less in fear of increase in body weight. Perfectionism with the body shape and weight causes eating disorder.

• RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

People with perfection have lots of relationship issues. Because they expect similar perfection in another person. They dominant or become aggressive in order to get that perfection from others. As you can see chart perfection on others creates relationship issues. As they have very less acceptance level and empathy with lack of understanding.

• OBSESSIVE COMPLUSION

Obsessive Complusive Disorder. In order to be perfect a person has to follow certain repeated behaviours. A person has to do some compulsive activities which eventually become headache for other people. A person also feels his abnormal behavior but unable to get rid of it. Because in deep there is a fear.

• PERFECTIONIST HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM

People with perfection has very low esteem. They take all criticism personally. And unable to learn new things or accept them. As they have set standard in their mind for the outcome. It is difficult for people to accept new ways. It is hard to see themselves in an imperfection zone.

HOW TO OVERCOME PERFECTION?

There are various therapies which helps you to overcome perfection. They offered various coping mechanism and skill development to overcome perfection.

CBT : Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helps to make you understand your cognition. You learn more n more about yourself. You can change your thoughts to balance thought which helps you to take different actions.

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This therapy helps people to understand their perfectionism. And learn more about the outcome even though tasks is imperfect. ERP prevents responses to criticism and build up more self-esteem. Behavioural Therapy: It is difficult for a perfectionist to change his behaviours. Because they believe their over perfection is only make them successful. But behavioural therapy gives them better and different understanding of the outcome.

Top Ten tips to overcome Perfectionism:

• Set real goals rather superficial goals. Realistic goals help you to perform better rather with the perfection.
• Chunk your task in to pieces. Rather to be overwhelmed with the big task chunk it in to smaller one.
• Practice self-compassion daily. Become little easy with self. Appreciate self with small trips. Giving breaks from long hours of work and celebrate your wins.
• Accept criticism as a feedback but do not take it personally. It is not possible that you make everyone satisfied and happy.
• Do not procrastinate or prolong things. As much as you look for perfection you may develop a habit of procrastinate. ” I will act when I am perfect”
• Understand your beliefs. “If you are perfect then you are successful.” “Your work should be such that looks perfect piece of art.” All these beliefs torn your ability to perform. You never want to even try because you have fear of perfection.
• Learn new behaviours like do same thing differently at different time. Delegate certain work to others and see the results.
• Learning new things in life. When you learn new skills, hobbies and things your perfection problem runs away. Because you learn that every person is an amateur.
• Ask yourself wise questions which comes with great answers. By doing so learn to understand yourself.
• Develop and grow mentally. Learn new things by learning about yourself.  

This concept of positive thinking, visualisation or imagination became so famous after “The Secret” was published. Many people are fascinated with the idea of positive thinking and imagination. But still, many people have lots of doubts and questions regarding positive thinking or positive psychology. Today I am sharing with you one of the most important topics about “GRATITUDE”.

Gratitude is only one single dimension of positive psychology. As a positive psychologist, I also believe that thinking positively even in the worst situation helps a human mindset to be calm. stay confident, feel less anxious, able to control and understand emotions. Above all one can feel so happy and serene. Like they feel deattached from situations. people and outcomes.

What is Positive Psychology?

Positive psychology is one of the streams of psychology that focuses on mental well-being, happiness, and state of flow. It does not address problems and weaknesses but identifies mental assets like courage, developing a strong positive attitude, building skills, acceptance, resilience, state of flow, happiness, bliss etc. In simple words, positive psychology encourages one to become self-worthy enough so one can get lots of happiness. Rather one is crying for rotten bread.

Positive psychology helps a person to make bread. However, positive psychology is criticised because it neglects the core negative area and emphasises the positive area of life. But it should not be denied that if one only focuses on and targets negative areas all the time there is always a chance to feel like a victim. Let’s discuss GRATITUDE one of the parts of Positive Psychology.

What is Gratitude?

So many people are still unaware of Gratitude and how to practice it. Gratitude is an act of being thankful towards people, things, situations and life. As a human, we have been blessed by so many things. And we never pay anything for those blessings.

We are blessed by our bodies, the air which we breathe, the water which we drink, the food which we eat and so much more. If we count some of the blessings we could not even make it in the factory. Like air or water. We all are blessed for someone’s kind act of innovation so we can live our lives with this zest.

Gratitude is an act of observation to see the positive side rather than just the negative side. Gratitude is something to look at what is there rather than what is lacking. Because our human mind is never satisfied with what we have. It always looks for inadequacy and feels inadequacy. We all tend to cry for problems but never tend to feel good for what we have. This attitude always creates negativity.

We feel our life is unfair. We are always surrounded by problems rather than solutions. We crib for small small things. But never say “Thank you” for big things as mentioned earlier. Gratitude helps to grow you faster as your vision never sticks to inadequacy but simultaneously looks for achievements and blessings as well.  Gratitude does not mean ignoring or overlooking the negative or problematic side of life.

But by practicing Gratitude one can achieve strength and courage which helps to deal with negative emotions. When you feel depressed and anxious everything you observe is all or nothing. There is a rule of overgeneralization applied to all information. This makes a person more vulnerable and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are absorbed which influence thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

How to practice Gratitude?

As you learn about Gratitude. You may think let me try once. So here I am putting a practical activity which helps you practice gratitude. Gratitude can be practised for any live or dead thing, person or even for any situation. Because Gratitude is a deliberate act of being positive. In this practice, you need a paper or pen. Or you may use your devices also for writing. You also make a special Gratitude journal.

Step 1: List of the things you are grateful for:

As mentioned earlier Gratitude is a deliberate action. Hence you can select any dead things also which make your life very easy and you can get so much of benefit. When you follow the below chart then you will also observe certain unobserved things as well. Mention them as well. You will be more conscious now onwards when you were not there.

I am feeling good and blessed which I never thought earlier.

Step 2: List of the Situations:

In our lives, we only memorise good situations and experiences. But we never become a person by good situations. Always challenging and problematic situations make us something. When we think about them we feel sad, depressed and distressed. Because those situations have given us pain and sorrow. But today take any of the situations which make you vulnerable or sad.

Think opportunities you were getting from that situation. Yes, that situation was a very tough time in your life. But that time only empowered you to become something. Rather you see and correlate every situation with that situation just observe opportunities you got from which have improved you and developed you.

The practice of this particular activity will help you to overcome your regret and curse feelings. Because as much as you build hatred feelings that much you become negative. As it affects your core belief about yourself, others and this world.

But when you find opportunities in unwanted and distressed situations you start building strength and a positive attitude towards negative situations as well. It builds up your confidence and resilience attitude in you. Once you rate yourself you feel your feelings which gives you more optimistic feelings about that situation.

Step 3: List of the People:

Lots of people help us directly or indirectly. Many of them we come across and some of them we never come across. Here, I will take the example of a farmer. He never met me and I never saw him. But he worked hard to sow food for me and this humanity. But because of him, many survived on this mother earth. So when I feel grateful for him I feel grateful for the food I have at the dinner table. I never experienced how and what processing has been done. But I am blessed that I am getting which fills my hunger.

When you feel grateful for those whom you never met you start observing consciously those things which you took up till now as granted. You become more alert and conscious before you make any complaint. Before you feel the frustration of something going wrong in parking or the situation of too much traffic. You get back your resilience and start observing good things. Because after this practice you may look for more blessings rather look for complaints.

Example: I am so grateful that I am getting twenty-four hours of electricity. Which gives me light in the darkness. Thank you to power generated house and the people working there. because of them, I am blessed with Electricity.

When you practice Gratitude you feel good and automatically your senses draw your attention towards those things which empower you. When you feel gratitude your tendency to complain and crib for small rotten things will change. You become more observant and conscious before you take any pessimistic thought. You think twice about which thought you want to think and then you will empower yourself with the optimistic one.

How does Gratitude affect your mental well-being?

As you might start practising while reading this article. You immediately feel good or maybe overwhelmed a little as well. Because then your mind will give all noticeable items which you have never observed. All humans on this earth are suffering from hedonic adaptation.

Hedonic adaptation is where we come to a stable level of happiness despite having positive or negative situations. Due to this we never acknowledge those things which we get at no cost. Like Sunlight, oxygen, the body etc. When you start observing those things your mind will be trained to see things which are more positive and healthy.

Boost your confidence Level:

As you observed yourself in a difficult situation and the way you have handled it. It boosts your confidence level. Because you now understand your ability, strength and capacity to deal with difficult times. You will always prepare yourself for tough times. And without having a single pessimistic thought you become more optimistic. Because here you judge yourself with situations and people. You build confidence because you only dealt with it. You now understand your weaknesses and limitations which you can overcome with it easily.

Build a more resilient Attitude:

Attitude matters most. When you know that you are confident enough and have self-trust that you can solve any problem you develop a resilient attitude. You become flexible with any situation. And try to accommodate yourself with it by accepting it. Then you change it accordingly. Remember when you learn to be grateful you also learn much about acceptance. Rather than becoming adamant you are more flexible to the situation and change gradually according to your expectations.

Less Complaining more blessings (More calm and balance mind):

As you decide one or two days as gratitude days. You are more focused towards blessings. When you list your blessings you also can count positive things rather than negative things. You slowly develop a tendency to see good things and points first rather than negative ones. This attitude gives you a calm and serene mind. You have more control over your anger and frustration. You become within yourself. And never judge others based on their communications and behaviours which help you to be more natural with yourself.

Draw your Limit:

When you can see and feel what gives you happiness and calm mind you love to be there. When you understand your mind you also can understand toxicity. Sometimes we are so absorbed in others that we forget ourselves. And that leads to more toxicity. Because then we start expecting them to behave the way we want. When you understand that your interactions with certain people, places and situations make you more vulnerable you start developing boundaries. You will feel grateful and make your strong way which gives of flow state and happiness.

You learn Forgiveness:

When you are grateful for negative events and count on your opportunities you find yourself in the mode of forgiving others. Because we accept that everyone has their thoughts and insecurities. Every human has a purpose in their life. But some may contradict us. When we feel grateful we become stronger to forgive that person because when you introspect deep down you find opportunities to solve that problem or challenge.

Criticism for Gratitude

Gratitude practice has been criticised also because by ignoring or avoiding negative things one cannot build up a strong empire. This statement in a way is right but with the approach of a narrow point. Because if you want to change your perception, cognition and behaviours which give you long-term happiness and a serene mind. The practice of gratitude is the first step to achieving.

Because it never taught us to overlook negative points but it asks for more acceptance. As when you accept something you are in a position to change. Because you are not resisting with the reality. To be grateful is a practice of becoming a positive person. Which builds a strong character and personality. By accepting and being grateful for difficult times your willpower becomes stronger to reach to expected results.

Hope you get quite a good insight into one of the practices of Positive Psychology. For any questions, you may contact us or book an appointment for a session.

Thank you. Be always Grateful.

But today I am sharing very important information about Mindfulness. However, this term also has been aligned with Yoga, meditation and other religious aspects. But here it is a scientific discussion of how mindfulness helps one to overcome anxiety, stress, depression, overthinking, OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorders), Post Traumatic Disorder(PTSD) etc.

Also, here I am sharing a few techniques as well so you may apply them to just check your mindset and emotional state. So, let’s start a journey.

What is Mindfulness Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?

Here, first understand the terminology of Mindfulness. As you search for the meaning of being mindful you get the definition immediately. Mindfulness is simply being in the present. Neither in the past nor the future. Cognitive means your understanding of anything at any given point in time. Cognition includes a lot of things but here you take your understanding about any information.

Behaviours where we get some information and we analyse it understand it and react on the same. This simple terminology helps you a lot to understand if you are currently facing any issues with your emotionality and mental state. Mindfulness Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has been scientifically proven to overcome distress and other disturbances.

We have heard many spiritual gurus talk in their lectures and explain to be in the present moment. As we all know this also but in reality we can not follow the same. We cannot apply this technique and hence we fall into the trap of the past-future cycle. To have faith we need to understand this concept very well.

How does Mindfulness Cognitive Behaviour Therapy work?

Being mindful means you need to observe yourself differently from your thoughts and feelings. What do you think and feel currently? Just observe it. It is something like you are hungry. As soon as we are hungry we run to eat food. But if you can sit with the mindfulness and see your hunger. If you can see your body’s sensation. If you can feel your emotions and just observe the same. This technique will help you to be aware of your present state and your actions.

Once your behaviours are self-aware. Then you take slow charge of your feelings and thoughts. This is very simple in reading but when you try to apply it you may again fall into the trap of thoughts. Here, it is important to understand self-negative thoughts which stop you. If you are not mindful then you find yourself anxious by thinking future Or distress by thinking about past events.

You lose the current chance to be in the present. When you are putting your thoughts on autopilot mode slowly your behaviours are also on auto mode. You react differently when something happens good or bad. You drive by your outer environment but not inner peace.

How to become mindful?

There are a few important exercises you may follow right now as you are reading this blog. These exercises may not give you result right away but practice makes man perfect. You have to practice it. Daily for a few minutes.

Pay attention to yourself:

It is difficult on busy days to pay attention because we majorly run according to the demands of situations, people and experiences. We forget many times what we think and what we do. Because we are not in alignment. We get distressed because of that. Our internal story and outer environment have big deviations. Now, sit in a relaxing position and feel all the information through your senses. (Visual, Audio, Taste, Smell and Touch). Apply your senses and receive all information. Now pay attention to self what you think and feel.

Treat yourself as a friend:

We are generally very harsh on ourselves. Especially when we have expected from ourselves so much. But if we do not achieve then we become harsh. We start talking negative. We feel a lack of confidence and self-esteem. Self-doubt creates lots of mess up. So treat yourself as your friend. You accept yourself beyond your limitations, weaknesses and achievements. Feel yourself by deep breathing. When you treat yourself gently you automatically treat others the same way.

Focus on Breathing:

Breathings are just not breathable. But it is a tool to let you know that you are only present. You are not your past nor your future. When you feel your inhalation counter with your nostril there is a gap between inhalation and exhalation. You slowly come to the present moment. Your focus empowers you. As our thoughts empower us same way mindfulness empowers you to be into the present.

Meditation:

There are various meditation techniques. Like as walking or sitting meditation. Even mindfulness yoga also helps a lot to be into the present. When you close your eyes you can just feel all your muscles, body moments and pain with relief you are in the present. Hence we feel good after exercise. Our body is a tool that brings us to the higher self.

Is Mindfulness Cognitive Behaviour Therapy effective?

Of course, it is. But we need results fast in this quick-fix-fast world. If you have tried the above exercises for a few minutes you may feel the difference. But without practice, we cannot reap the results. Follow your mindfulness activities daily. I suggest writing in a journal to many people.

When we take a few things in our mind from the situations that happened then we can’t get a real view of the scenarios. Hence we all become judgmental and correlate the past with the present. This leads to future anxiety. But when you follow your present state and give attention to only those which are important to you then you empower yourself. Our focus is everything.

Wherever we give attention and the way we see things we perceive it in the same way. One of the clients has decided after a traumatic event to transform his implicit memory into explicit memory. He has given attention to the best he can do.

Whenever is dreadful memory comes back he always replaces the same with opportunities. He told me that I had changed the channel on my television. After a rigorous practice of 90 days, he felt himself back from the trauma.

As I mentioned earlier Mindfulness is a matter of practice. But once you know how to live in present you never would like to live in the past nor in the future.

Before you read further this blog it is important to understand that a psychologist helps you to take a journey within yourself. He encourages you to see in your beliefs, self-fulfilling prophecy, rules and regulations about yourself and this world and everything. A psychologist walks with you in your journey and consciously makes you understand about your actions, thoughts and feelings.

When you change your thoughts with consciousness there is very little chance of relapse. Because then you are aware of what you do, your outside factors affect you less. So, let’s start the journey to see how Mindfulness Meditation Can Benefit Your Mental Wellbeing.

A few questions may pop up in your mind and here are some of the answers to those questions. It may be possible you may have some different questions as well. You are always welcome to ask them and will respond with love.

What is the relation between Mindfulness Meditation and Psychology?

It is important to understand what you think and feel all day long. But to stop chattering mind is not easy. Our Sensory mind desires so much that we expect much from ourselves as well as others. Once you are mindful at least you will be able to understand your thoughts and unnecessary desires. And when your mind tells you a different story about yourself than what you are it is important to take charge.

Especially when people are in depression or are in an anxious state they are more vulnerable towards their thoughts. Their selection of action is to sit ideal in the corner and think. Overthink makes them paralyzed with laziness, too much sleep or lack of sleep, over or undereating, procrastinating and end with the self-guilt of not being productive.

This is a common phenomenon for anyone whenever they face negative chattering thoughts. When you are mindful you involve your mind in action but not outcome. You are completely present at that moment and can increase the feel-good factor. People who suffer from severe mental disturbance also can practice this.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy especially brings your attention towards your thoughts, feelings and actions. While you follow mindfulness meditation then your psychic energy flows in a certain specific direction. Where you feel the state of flow.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapists make you aware of your thoughts.

Cognition means what you perceive about yourself and the world. When you see some Cognitive Behaviour Therapist they educate you and travel you to your own beliefs about yourself. Where you learn about your old thoughts and make sense of them. You identify the meaning of each thought and that leads you to awareness about self. Having a mental disorder is not taboo.

But it is a great chance to know yourself and improve your limitations. If you are mindful of each activity you do. You attached to action but not outcome. You are not predicting things and are procrastinating. If you even follow your mindfulness practice for uninterested work that makes you free from stress and boredom. So why can’t you try and follow to act rather than think?

Psychologist helps you to become Mindful about your thoughts.

Learning balanced thoughts is not easy. Because we have never been taught such things in the Universities. Whenever you are feeling stressed or anxious for those things which are factually not present. But it is present in your mind. You first get distracted. You are facing attention deficit and OCDs are some of the common behaviours as a coping system.

But a Psychologist helps you learn interpersonal and intrapersonal skills. You understand coping mechanisms and ego displacements as well. When you work on your single belief then you can relive your old memories with fresh outcomes. As your vision is more broad. And clearly define your negative and positive thoughts.

Mindfulness meditation means atonement between thoughts and actions.

Of course, here I am not telling you to sit in meditative posture whole the time. Leave all your jobs and do it. But rather you are so much fine-tuning with your thoughts and actions that you are getting results of what you imagine.

You learn through mindfulness your relationship between thoughts and feelings, thoughts and behaviours and thoughts and physical reactions. When you are mindful you are in self-control and external factors do not matter to you. Your inner well-being is more strong and in atonement.

Mindfulness is in each activity.

Mindfulness is not a single activity. Rather it applies to all activities. If you know that you need to meet the deadline and you are worried about the outcome. Then you may distract yourself with mobile. You watch different things and surf for a while. And when you notice you have wasted so much time. Even when you surf as well you do with mindfulness.

Even if you want to distract yourself from worrisome thoughts then also you need to be mindful. This mindfulness is a playful activity. As you do more and practice it more. You learn more about yourself. As you follow mindfulness. You learn there is no vast difference between your thinking and doing.

Now, let me tell you a few important benefits of Mindfulness meditation.

You can achieve the state of Flow

Flow state where you become one with time. Your mind is your time. As your mind finds oneness with time you automatically enter in to state of Flow. Your hours passed by minutes. Especially, people who are suffering from mental disorders achieve more sense of control through mindfulness meditation.

Doubts managed by presence

Before any activity you do be it you do regularly or first time. Your mind is agitated. Because when you are habituated to do certain specific activities you are not attentive. Because you know how to do it. And hence your mind has different thoughts going on and you do some other activities. When you do some new activities your talking mind straight away attaches you to the outcome and you forget about your presence with that action.

You are aware of your actions before you do them

I have come across many of my clients who are not even aware of what they do. If they are depressed then they sit in a corner or watch too much television or mobile. Or many just lie down in bed and just think. But when they initially apply mindfulness then they are aware of what they do next and they set rewards for themselves only for finished tasks.

Deliberately select what you want to think

Before we think any thought we have a sense of feelings. We all are always in a position to deliberately select what to think and feel. Even in inevitable cases also can balance their thoughts. Mindfulness meditation for each activity brings you more awareness of your surface.

It is one of the techniques but it should be learnt and practised. If you are interested in such activities become part of your life. You may also book a session and become more aware of yourself.

He took his wife’s help and with the support of the family, he succeeded in grabbing a new job after several attempts. But B became upset and depressed with this incident. He became more adamant that he needs only the same job or he does not want to try for a new one. B has slowly developed a routine which made him more lazy.  He is always postponing his important calls for job interviews.

He refused to take help from family and friends. He is always complaining to management because they have fired him. Now, as you are reading the above example you may find differences in reactions for the same situation. Why? Every human has different power to react differently in the same situations.

Because attitude and belief make a lot of difference in building up a Resilient personality. You may find many people jump start and come back so fast after some traumatic situation. While you may find many never able to come back. Resilience is something not always achieving something in terms of Success. But Resilience means you become flexible in tough situations or after a traumatic situation.

Today this important article will give you an insight about how to deal with a tough situation. Today you learn about Resilience.

Interpretations of Incidents

Life Events and Incidents taught us a lot. Challenges and problems in life help us to become better versions of ourselves. Hence it is important how you interpret life incidents. As we take the above example once again. “A” found a new job and he has succeeded in his career rather than becoming upset and discouraged. After a few years, “A” was found at a psychologist’s office for therapy because his wife divorced him.

Here, “B” is grateful and feels good that he has started a business and now his business is moderately successful. He thought that I always wanted to become a businessman and hence I am grateful that I lost my job. Otherwise, I might not be a successful person. It is very important after all traumatic situations how you interpret in your head.

If you see any trauma as trauma and are adamant & think, “Why has it happened to me?” Then you may lose confidence that I am capable of doing something. Remember it is important to understand how you interpreted your life’s incidents. How would you interpret your life’s incidents?

• Accept trauma as it is. When you see things as it and feel them as it is. Then you will be able to interpret it well. So let’s take the above example where you think “A” did not lose his confidence while he lost his job. But later in his life, he lost his emotionality while he faced divorce. You think is right but what do you do when you can change the situation and when you can’t change the situation? It is important to understand anything before you conclude. ACCEPT THINGS BEFORE YOU CHANGE IT.
• Blame – Game. When something is not going well in life our mind looks for excuses. You may also be part of such a blame game. When you find that some expectations did not meet then you blame others or yourself. When you provoke negative thoughts without a neutral approach to any incidents then you lose power over your emotionality.
• Accept you as you are. It is difficult many times that you accept yourself with all your flaws, weaknesses and qualities. When you introspect, introspect yourself with a whole bunch of everything. But our beliefs never give us the freedom to think beyond that. When you accept your weaknesses and limitations you have the power to see the situations with actual interpretation. And without becoming an imposter you fairly view to yourself.

Beliefs and Attitudes

If you are taking sessions from Cognitive Behaviour Therapists then they are always concerned about your conceptual cycle. In any session, they try to reach to actual cause that lies beneath the problem. Because your behaviour is a part of your thought process. As you think and feel and you act.

But where do we get our beliefs? Are we getting them by ourselves or do we take them from others? Beliefs we have since our childhood. Raising the skills of any kid determines what a person will believe about himself and others. In the same way, you also have some beliefs about yourself. Like,” I never become tough on anyone and hence people take advantage of me.”, “I found a lack of confidence while I was addressing a group of people. My mom always told me that you are a weak communicator so I am.” But these are your beliefs.

That teaches you to see things as you want to see them. But not the other way around. So in any traumatic situation find your beliefs. What do you believe about self and this world?

Attitude plays a major role in developing resilience. Because in any given situation your attitude can only give you self-confidence and build your willpower in what you want to achieve. Your attitudes towards failures, traumas and depressed situations change your view to perceive things differently. If you are facing financial issues and you find your attitude that you worried before you spent.

You find financial trauma all the time. Because that is how you can see yourself and your relationship with money. But when you develop an attitude to see yourself as always resourceful then you slowly shift towards seeing things in a positive direction. You can make a difference in what will happen to your emotions and then your behaviours.

Resilience does not necessarily success

Resilience is not necessarily a success. Resilience means emotionally and mentally you are stable and taking hold of your thoughts. Of course, this is very difficult for anyone to control thoughts due to the flow of automatic thoughts. When you learn resilience you take charge of your consciousness and your thoughts are under control. To learn resilience one needs to follow two important steps.

One learns to interpret situations and second to understand own beliefs. When you follow these important two steps you learn about resilience. It does not mean that you succeed as there are many traumas which never change. Situations are not in control and hence need to accept is one of the important tasks of resilience.

Resilience – Learn what you can change and what you cannot

What would you think once you are reading the above details? What do you find from the article? Practically if you want to change external factors it is important to change them internally first. You may face three types of things in any given situation.

• If the situation can be changed, follow your action.
• If the situation cannot be changed, then work on your emotional reactions.
• If the situation can be changed but you are distressed because you need to take some steps. So work on your emotions and actions

Resilience is a very important subject to learn especially in mental state issues. Many people I found are not ready to take even a single step.

They come to counselling sessions because they feel a psychologist can fix everything. But it is important to learn about self-behaviour. And actions are important to take to change any negative emotional stressors and beliefs.

How do you think positively when everything is grey? Especially, when you going through some traumatic situations in life. And you feel just merely by thinking positively, really things are working in a positive direction? Of course, your doubt is correct. Merely thinking positively never changes the outcome.

In fact when all is Grey in life then thinking positively is something to explain Red Colour to a Blind Man. And that is the reason I have tried to give you a satisfactory answer. Let’s today you learn something from this piece of content and apply it to see some changes. But before this Do not forget “Change is Always Hard but It Bears Great Fruits”

What is the meaning of positive thinking?

Positive thinking means you deliberately select or choose what you want to feel. If giving you an example when you are facing an issue of Divorce or separation or some financial loss or death of someone to whom you loved most. But you feel yourself with the negative feelings of sadness, unhappiness, anxiety, fear, depression, etc. Because you do not want to accept pain. Because you do not want to feel the pain.

You do not want to experience pain and hence your conscious mind gives you limited information. Limited to past beliefs, memories, and experiences. That leads to a narrow understanding. You deliberately never choose to think differently but you think what you want to think, see the things which you want to see and feel what you do not want to feel. Because of your beliefs, assumptions, rules and regulations about you and your world.

Positive Thought Comes from Positive Feelings and Behaviours

Your mind is alerting you while you feel negative. And your body symptoms are alarming you. You think positively but you feel and behave negatively it never serves your purpose. Rather it creates chaos. Chaos creates messiness in your mind. It sabotages you and makes you believe that you are not self-sufficient.

So a few steps help you to think positively and get positive results.

Find your Beliefs:

It is a new concept for many people to find self-belief. Beliefs are created from self-fulfilling prophecies, experiences and memories. It is not difficult to find what you believe. But once you find what you believe about yourself and above this world. You start recognizing your self-stopping thoughts.

Because we all are driven by our past experience and so you are. As I mentioned earlier we do not want to feel pain we try to avoid it or we try to hit hard. So situation of fight-flight has been created. Once you know your belief you try to see the things apart from your self-fulfilling prophecy, which you have never seen. For example, a student is very good at academics. And everyone from his family praised him for his scores because no other person from his family had achieved what he achieved.

Now slowly parents developed expectations on a student. And a student also started feeling pressure to score well. He will then be anxious about his results. His anxiousness reaches a level where he feels tremendous pressure and judges his parents in all conversations. Even in normal conversation like in giving some good health advice misunderstood by a student and correlated with his scores. Here, he misjudged and correlated all matters with his anxious thoughts about his scores.

May be possible you also face similar issues. So it is important to understand belief. And writing down those beliefs gives you more clarity. It is difficult to change beliefs but one can get professional support.

Choose and be definite about what you want to think:

As I mentioned above, how to think positively when everything is grey? But the choice is yours. Even in bad shape, you can select your most inspired thoughts. You can select to be motivated and slowly the needle moves in the direction of feeling good. You think differently means you want to prove your thoughts you are right and hence you want to find some supporting incidents for the same. When you think positively you look for something which gives relief by selecting positive thoughts. To do so you may choose some activities to make those conscious efforts.

When you get negative thoughts your heart shakes. Or you may feel some other physical symptoms. Switch over to exact opposite thoughts or to think some other thoughts along with new behaviours. After a few minutes when you feel relaxed, you analyse your thought pattern. You feel it was for a moment. If you can handle your predictions and judgements before you act. You actually get results by converting them into actions. So find your belief and before you become judgmental and predict or attached to the outcome just perform.

The same actions never give the same results:

Now you may learn new things from the above details. If you think positively but behave similarly then you get no new results. But rather you frustrated and become unfocused. Tired of the same actions. And you start procrastinating and prolonging things. Remember FEAR AND ANXIETY BRINGS UNPRODUCTIVE MOMENTS. But the new selection of thoughts and behaviours gives some other results. As you have read an example of a student

He misjudged everyone with his anxiety about a higher score or being the best in academics. He chooses to pressure himself. He started blaming himself and pressurized himself more to study. Eventually, he feels inattentive and prolongs his studies. But if he chose to see and perceive things as it is without becoming judgmental. He performs not only well but he studies smartly. If he also counters his anxiety helps him to understand his misjudgment.

To behave differently it is important to counter your beliefs and choose different actions to bear new fruits. If you choose to behave differently. There is always great measurement one can measure the connection between THOUGHTS-BEHAVIOURS, THOUGHTS – FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOURS – FEELINGS.

Deliberately Create What You Want?

You become creative when you understand yourself better. If you select to be happy in the worst condition means you are not victimizing your situation. But rather you want to accept and face the fears. When you deliberately choose what you want to feel you start behaving in the same way. Because your heart tells you that you feel good when you do some activities which increase your feel-good factor. To prove your feel-good factor you can see an opportunity lie in a stressful situation.

That is how you choose to see solution but not a problem. You deliberately create what you want. For example, you have some bad news today or you have a tough day at your work. Of course, you want to tell someone that today your day is tough. You want to report or complain about situations or people. But here you select to relax in your armchair and listen to some music with a great cup of coffee. You dwell in the aroma of coffee and listen to deep lyrics of music. Your needle moves to feel good feelings.

With that, you see a bad day definitely gave some opportunity to find. Because here you have deliberately chosen what you want. Rather than complain you select to relax and leave the matter as it was. You get your energy back and start feeling better. These are very basic self-help. You can always apply when you are mentally disturbed. Even very tough days will teach you to change your thoughts and feelings. And you want them as well.

ACT – Acceptance- Commitment Therapy:

Here, I am not saying you just be positive. But committed to self that you accept what it is as it is. Then you get your power back. As mentioned earlier if a student misjudged his parents for their normal health conversation. He needs to talk freely if he really misunderstands. Before he selects negative self-talk or annoyed with parents by indulging in hot discussion. He has to accept that his own self-expectations put him down.

Rather he is complaining about his parents or prolonging his studies he needs to accept his anxiety. Once you fully accept the feelings you feel you are in power to change it. But when you do not accept it means you resist it and you lose power to change the same. It is foremost important to accept and then commit to yourself about your thoughts, feelings and behaviours all in a row.

Important Tips to Develop Positive Thinking:

• Introspect daily how many complaints you did
• Do you consciously select your thoughts and feelings or it depends on situations?
• Make a list of beliefs about self and others
• Make a list of beliefs others have about you
• Develop Faith in yourself by Journaling and prayers
• Only positive thinking never changes but your attitude changes your feelings
• Become action-oriented not thoughts oriented
• Work with your If-Then
• Practice Self-Confidence

I love to cure your mental health-related issues. Life is precious and you get this for a limited time. Either you waste it by concerning and negative feelings or you choose wisely what you want. Book a session to learn more about yourself. Happy to cure you.

You look for solutions through self-help books, motivational training and seminars. You want to figure out your stress issue and anxiety issues without letting others know. And you afraid also how a psychologist can help through psychotherapies? So, let’s take a look first at Stress and Anxiety. You can always google it and get to know its meaning but let me help you to know more about these two major mental disorders.

How to Manage Stress and Anxiety

First of believe me you are not alone. You are not abnormal that you have some weird feelings. It is ok to feel like that. If you feel something unnatural and uneasy it is time to know more about yourself. So, let’s take a look.

What is stress? And which are the stressors?

Here, I want to draw attention to stress in the physical and mental realm. In the physical realm, we understand stress with heart disease. While with the mental realm, we understand stress primarily with PTSD. People who come across certain traumatic, uncontrolled and unpredictable situations feel stress immediately. The stress hormone cortisol is responsible for stress and an anxious state. People with their perspective see stress differently.

However, people who are depressed and come across negative life situations may feel distressed. They overgeneralize the situation. For example, a friend is cancelling a movie outing due to personal reasons. But the other person thinks that the person does not want to talk anymore and has cancelled the date. But the real reason is different. It all depends on a person how perceives the situation.

If you understand the characteristics of stressors then they are:

1. How severe is the stressor?
2. How chronic it is? or how long it lasts?
3. Its timings
4. How closely does it affect your life?
5. How do you expect the same?
6. How uncontrolled the situation?

If life stressors we consider as job loss, divorce or separation, rejection from a loved one or losing loved one or some financial losses. These are common but most traumatic situations. The coping system of a person can decide how a person feels stress. And how can he come out of the same?

There are some important Psychological tips which help you to overcome your trauma and stress when your life demands you to perform. People after some traumatic and stressful events become resilient. They become more flexible with life and learn to overcome stress by learning new coping mechanisms.

Make a list of Uncertain and unpredictable life Stressors:

Life is coming with its own challenges and problems. We never predict the future so clearly. But we all must be ready for uncertainty and unpredictable life stressors. Daily hassle with your life and your coping skills to deal with it is important to learn. Like daily you encounter tough clients or your demanding job or profession. Or your relationships are not working the way it should be.

Then you need to figure out and make a list of uncertainties you may face in future. We all can daydream good things but we never learn to visualise the obstacles and challenges of life. Here it is not the point to view your life with negative aspects. But with the optimistic and realistic points of view. After many books flooded in market and with the speeches of many motivational speakers it is now common for all to think positively.

But only thinking in a positive direction never helps. You also need to feel the same way and behave in that direction.

Muscle Relaxation Techniques:

Our body is our servant. As soon as you feel stress your fear hormone spurs fast in your body and you get all physical reactions. Your muscles tense and tight. In many conditions, people do even not consciously know that their muscles are tight. In stressful situations or merely in thinking of stress you need to figure out how to relax your muscles.

You can learn many muscle relaxation techniques and get control of your emotions. When they are going wild and make you crazy.

Mediation:

Transcendental Meditation is a key point if you are facing stress issues continuously. If you meditate over your emotions and thoughts which are unreasonable your body responds to you in the most difficult time. Rather than feeling anxiety and mood swings you take control of your emotions and act in a more positive way.

Keep an Eye on Your Emotions:

It is nowadays very tough to be conscious of each thought and emotion. But these are the most effective psychological tips you can follow if you are aware of your emotions and actions. What are your trigger points? What makes you mood less or overthinker? You need to figure it out by just becoming conscious.

In many cases, people feel stressed when they just watch their favourite team lose a game. Your eye on your emotions works as a compass. It gives you an idea of where you are going.

Behavioral Change:

By CBT many people get to know their beliefs, perceptions, rules, regulations and assumptions about themselves and the world. When you seek a psychologist, he or she can draw your attention to your self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you learn to think new and balanced thoughts and through integrative behavioral therapy you start accepting your stressors.

You immediately take charge of your stressful life situations and change with the new behaviours.

If you learned much about stress but still, want to learn more then click on Stress Management

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety means the fearful emotions which bring a person to future danger. Here, this is more panic and diffuse than fear. Anxiety can be defined cognitively as, “I am worried what might happen”, you feel the tension and chronic arousal is a physical reaction while psychologically you feel general avoidance.

More anxiety is prone to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It majorly lies in future but in the present scenario person feels uncontrolled.

Few Self-Help Psychological Tips to Overcome Anxiety:

Awareness:

Self-awareness is a key point to cure anxiety issues. You need to define your fears and give them a name. Thinking of the worst outcome is more effective than a person comes across mentally with an undesired outcome. For example, a person feels anxious before a job interview. But by thinking about the worst outcome he may take control of his behaviour. It makes a person prepare for the interview. So rather than worried about the outcome a person uses the same energy in preparation.

Face your fear with Action:

You drive first time and you are anxious about whether you hit someone or not. But with this anxiety and seeing the negative mental images one can never take an action in fear of experiencing an undesired outcome. If you attach to your outcome you never face your fear. But rather you are sitting in a corner having all mental images and audio-visual negative imaginations paralysed you. Just do it. It is the slogan of Nike. Once you do it you. You get experienced and more strong to face your fears.

Shift in Thoughts:

Once you know that your mind makes you vulnerable. You are more prone to think negative than positive. Shift your thoughts by reminding yourself what you think. Just by shifting from one thought to another one. Continuously involving yourself in your actions makes you more strong to face your fears.

Work on your Beliefs:

Of course, your old memories, experiences and beliefs make your world. When you are brought up with a certain rigid thinking process your emotions and actions are the same in different situations. Which brings the same outcome. Work on your beliefs which brings new perceptions about yourself and the world.

Become more Intuitive:

Listening to gut feelings is something we call self-talk. If you find yourself stuck in negative self-belief then work on yourself. Affirmations are key points to change the scenarios. Also, feeling gratitude and developing an acceptance for most tough situations will improve your emotional state. Become more intuitive about your life and plan out accordingly.

These are common but very effective psychological tips to help yourself with stress and anxiety. But always seeking help from a psychologist creates more awareness about yourself. If you want to consult for a session you may definitely approach by booking a session online

Science of Therapy

Like excessive anger, major changes in eating order, excessive anxiety, mood swing disorder, inability to concentrate, low energy, avoiding friends and social functions, being confused, change in emotions, change in school or job performance, feeling disconnected, hearing voices, increase sensitivity, isolation, odd and unusual drives, unexplainable health problem, unhappiness, and decreased joy, etc.

All mentioned changes affected day-to-day life and routine, and unable to perform a job then one can consult a professional. 

But before you consult especially for a therapy session you may have many questions in mind. What does a psychologist do? How do they use therapy which helps me in my life? Really, therapies are effective? How therapy can help to overcome my mental health issue? How about the other ways to deal with mental health issues? So, to answer all your questions this is an important article I have written. Before you read further this kindly also check the related article, “Do I have any mental issue?”

Since long this battle is going on that really therapies are effective or not. However, there is a lot of science emerging after the number of research done on human psychology. It has been proved that therapies are effective in many issues like ADHD in children, Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, OCD, post-traumatic stress Disorders, etc.

We perceive lots of information through our five senses. Our childhood, social culture, biological, and genetic all played a role in mental disorders. However, there is a science emerging out there that the connection of the prefrontal to the amygdala plays an important role while facing fear, anxiety, etc.

When therapies are used they work on various parts of the brain. As it affects the functioning of the Amygdala and the prefrontal context. now, let’s understand how it affects. To understand the concept better I chose three therapies and their effect on various mental health issues. In the same way, there are so many therapies that help to overcome mental state.

Behavior Therapy works in ADHD:

ADHD is found common in children nowadays. Parents wondered to consult a professional for that. Behavior Therapy gives the best results when children are hyper and unattentive. In many cases, if a person changes his behavior and adopts a new behavior by learning its importance, it helps in mental health recovery.

If a person knows his Cue and then follows the same routine to get the same amount of reward then routine or behavior can be changed by learning an alternative behavior. That new behavior provides the same amount of reward but with better mental clarity. Which results in the long run to overcome mental health issues.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy in Insomnia:

Learning new behavior and leaving an old one leads to a new thinking pattern. If anyone tries to change thoughts directly then a question of self-doubt arises. But when you are aware of your cognition and the relation between the prefrontal to the amygdala you slowly can improve yourself.

Various therapies help in gaining self-awareness first. When you are self-aware of your thoughts and feelings your behaviors create different outcomes.

Mindfulness Cognitive Behavior Therapy:

Any professional will ask you a few questions. Those questions are backed by Socratic Questioning, Motivational Interviewing, and many other methods.  But they are helpful to draw the attention of your thinking and your belief.

What you believe and what you perceive determines your behaviors. A therapy called Mindfulness and Acceptance Commitment Therapy is useful to understand your way of perceiving information from the world. And what beliefs you have that affect your day-to-day life.

In session when the therapist helps you to find what lies within you and how you can see the same thing differently called the effectiveness of therapies.

It is difficult to give in detail about all therapies’ effects on which mental disorder. But here I would like to narrate with you one of the real examples.

Story:

Avni was unable to cope with her stressful and demanding job. She recently got married and she has to relocate to a new city. However, she is very comfortable with the shifting and familiar with the city but she has observed that she could not deliver her performance. She found that she told her husband that the same job fascinated her earlier and now she feels she should think an another option. Because she is tired and not able to deliver her work on time. She also has complained of a lack of sleep.

She thought it was normal and maybe temporary. but one day she searched about her issue and ran to a psychologist by booking a session. In diagnosis, she found that she has an issue with excessive anxiety. Her therapist told her and made aware her of the new behavior she has slowly developed. She is caught up in her anxiousness for those things which are not actually lying. But she thought of them when she became late from the office when her clients countered her when she dressed up in the morning. Her continuous unaware self-talk is responsible for her emotions. After taking a few months of sessions with the therapist and measuring her improvement she found her cues.

Which are responsible for her anxiety. While she was getting late she thought once again today I am late and then a series of thoughts filled her mind and by the time she left the office she was tired and overwhelmed. He childhood and her belief system are responsible for her current state which is found in her sessions.

Talk Therapy:

I have researched personally by working on the psychology of various people and found that Talk Therapy is very effective. In just one session they will be able to find their stigma. Their restricted areas of thinking. Because our childhood and culture we all raise affected our thinking patterns.

We want to believe rigorously in many of the beliefs we installed. We raised and believed some fundamental beliefs about self and fundamental beliefs about the world. When you understand yourself through various therapies about your self-fulfilling prophecy, rules, regulations, and assumptions then you become clear in for current state of mind.

When you come across some Cues (signs), it affects your fundamental belief system. Because we want to see things that we want to see and do not see the things that we do not want to see. So many people I come across are unable to process their thinking properly because they are stuck in the past.

They have a series of thoughts and want to deal with the present with past experiences only. And they wondered why this had happened again and again to them. New people and incidents bear the same results. Then start the mental fog, confusion, series of thoughts, overthinking and mental disorders.

When you talk to the psychologist you bear the fruits of the past and struggle with the present. The psychologist helps you to make you understand now how you can differ your one mental image from the other one. Same way one experience to another experience.

Self- Awareness:

Therapies are so scientific that they help not only in curing mental disorders but also in self-awareness. In the case of Personality disorder where a person’s relationship is on the stack. Because he has some fundamental beliefs about self. He believes he is always right and others are wrong.

Through therapy, they learn resilience. They learn much about their auto behavior and auto thoughts as well as impulsive behavior as well. If any person is facing mental disorders now after having successful life then therapies worked miracles. They know to deal with their preconceive notions, they understand their thought pattern and feelings. So Therapies are scientifically proven.

After therapy which area of brain has been affected and how they can improve just by behavior. Measure the outcome and improvement. There is a number of research done on therapies that help people to understand themselves in the long run. Overcoming mental health issues is not a one-night game.

As you have installed your belief for a long and many factors affect to change the beliefs. But when you go to a Psychologist can help through various therapies to overcome your trouble. All therapies are backed by its science hence it has proven to be effective. Various other research in the coming days will prove its effectiveness.

I am a specialist in various therapies so that you can get relief and healing from your current state of mind. As you are reading you might wonder when anyone should consult a therapist. This is simple but profound information I have shared in this blog.

Why Should I Go to Therapy

In order to understand WHY is it important to go to therapy. These are the top 5 reasons to go to therapy.

You are not Alone:

First of all, we as humans fall ill many times. Physical ill health is easy to share and accept. But if you talk about the problem with the mindset and emotional state then you are afraid of what will others think or speak about you. And you avoid it for a long time as if it is not important. Or who will see my thoughts and emotions? In order to avoid reality you caught up in the same thought pattern.

And that pattern leads our whole life. Thought patterns and emotional state are both you learned since your childhood. Say, you started speaking and learning a language. Since that time you have had certain beliefs. You perceived information about this world and your existence in this world. Your past memories. thoughts, beliefs about self, and others decide your thought pattern. You worried about the future, survival, meet to an end, family, social, financial, and professional responsibilities. And simple looking pieces of stuff you perceive with the mind and eye of others. When your internal story and outer condition are not meeting.

When your desire to become something and what actually you become creates lots of chaos. And here it starts with the journey for negative thought patterns and feeling low, sad, unhappy, irritated, frustrated, depressed, and so on. You caught up with the same or another mental problems. And you feel ashamed about yourself only. This feeling of self-unworthy leads to so many issues like schizophrenia, distress, anxiety, bipolar disorders, depression, anger, confusion, Hyper Activity, Phobia, OCD, Attention deficit, behavioural issues, etc.

Thoughts create Emotions:

If you think constructive thoughts you become a strong person, but if you choose to destructive thoughts it breaks you first.

You may get an idea from the above quote that our conscious mind is so strong. Our consciousness is logical and reasoning. Before we think any thought it analyses it. And then we think that thought deeply. Nowadays, your consciousness is affected. Because of multitasking, noise, distractions, lots of information, and excessive use of mobile. Your mind is always looking for something new.

As it forgets to focus consciously on a single task. Since morning we assign to do list in a way that we usually do in a hurry to complete tasks at hand. You never even notice why you even rushing behind things and slowly you have lost your consciousness. You have started cultivating auto thought patterns and auto behaviour.

Why do you do certain things you do it only with unconsciousness. Like in the morning you wake up and immediately you take you phone. You see all the updates and everything. But before you take your phone in hand have you ever consciously asked or seen your action. No. This has become your auto behaviour. And this creates lots of trouble in emotions. Why you feel negative, worry, stress, fear, depress, anxiety, impatience etc. you never even know the reason.

I have experienced in therapy sessions that people feel sad or depressed but why they do not know? This is almost same thought pattern for 75% of the people in this world. You just rush for help when you find yourself really stuck.

Behavioral Issue:

Constructive thoughts creates harmony, peace and happiness, Destructive thoughts create dissonance, chaos and sadness.

Those above written words are enough for you to understand that your behavior is a result of your thoughts and feelings. You either underperform or you escape both depend upon your belief and thoughts you think. Any human behaves in a certain way in a certain circumstances.

That behavior becomes good or bad when it creates fruits from that action and communication. If you understand destructive behavior like anger, bullying, any type of obsessive complusion (OCD), crying, avoiding or escaping from responsibilities, lying, etc. then it affects badly in the long run of the life first on the mental state and then the emotional state.

If you understand your behavior and you know that your behavior is not correct even you behave automatically. Because you are not conscious. You just act because your thoughts and emotions are dependent on the outside factors. Factors will define your thoughts, moods, and behaviors.

Negative Thoughts:

Our ancient mind is always worried about survival. Earlier we have fear of animals, diseases, early death, etc. But now modern men have different issues for survival. But thoughts are the same. You always worried since your childhood to be a ranker, then you worried about family and love life, worried about finance and success, and after all worried about ill health, and death.

Every human life starts and ends in this circle. And you are caught up in negative thought pattern. You are worried, stressed, fearful and then have mood issues. You feel like you imprison in an invisible cage. And unable to break the bars. So these thoughts are invisible not physically harm you but it harms your life.

Many people are even not aware about their negative thought pattern. They always complain, worried, irritated, and crying for small things. They expect others to be best but they do not understand their own expectation.

Find Yourself:

Spirituality starts with self-awareness. Now it becomes a trend for people to sit in meditation. But they really do not know why they sit in the meditation. They do because someone told them or they might have seen some celebrity to follow that. There is no meaning just sitting in Padmasana by closing your eyes.

You just drift in your thoughts, images, and audio sounds. Many have a myth that real meditation means having no thought. In fact, this is also one of the thoughts of not having thought in mind. So if you want to understand yourself and purpose of your life then you slowly gradually become conscious.

I tried to cover all most top 5 reasons why should go to therapy. But there are also other many reasons as well to go to therapy. Like..

– Career Counselling

– Anger management

– Parenting

– Post and pre marital status

– Parents – child relationship

– Goal Achievement

– Financial Crisis

– Post traumatic Disorder

– Stress and social anxiety etc.

If you aware that your life needs direction and purpose then therapy is the best way to lead your life. Unless you do not lead your life someone else is leading you. If you find yourself in trouble and you really feel that you need to take a therapy book your session now.

Purposeless people used by purposeful people

Anxiety is one of the feelings which a man feels while something expected is unmet. So, if we go in detailed about the feelings of the Anxiety:

Symptoms of Anxiety

People who have anxiety constantly and persistently worry or having fear about the future or some futuristic events.

Anxiety attacks also known as panic attacks. Where all of a sudden person feels about some danger and fear.

Anxiety is an episode of intense feeling of fear.

Anxiety can be understood commonly as a panic attack of fear. Now why a person feels anxiety?

Anxiety can be felt in general or it may also become regular for someone to feel such panic attacks. When a person expecting some future incident to be happened and having fear in present that what if it will not be done? This is kind of present-future thoughts create an imbalance and person becomes anxious.

For an example, a person with the stage fear needs to present a presentation, a person caught up in lift, a person met with an accident and driving after that incident, a person’s family member died in Corona and now constant worried about his and his family health etc. these are common examples of the anxiety attacks.

As there are many symptoms of Anxiety attacks. But below are some of top 5 symptoms of Anxiety:

Feelings of Dread or fear:

If you are constantly feeling something will happen or what will happen then it is one of the main symptoms of the Anxiety attacks. In this you feel nervous, restless and tense as you can’t sit at a single place and want to move here and there to calm down your anxiousness.

Signs for Danger:

In severe anxiety or moderate anxiety, a person looks for signs for danger. Continuously worries and taking over precautionary steps even in normal situations.  

Predicting Worst:

Many times, in anxiety a person predicts future. And consciously act in the present. Even the present is in complete control of the person he acts as if inevitable will be happened.  In accepting the prediction, he decides to act in certain way by doing so his physical reactions are abnormal and unusual like pounding heart rate, shallow in breathing etc.

Lack of Attentiveness and Unfocused:

Because anxiety feeling is futuristic which person feels in present scenario. And in doing so he is thinking worst, imagining worst or hearing the worst. As his presence is in present and thoughts are in future, he is mostly unfocused. Feelings of lack of attention always there and lose the behavior in the present.

Constant worried and Tensed:

Anxiety makes person’s mind vulnerable. He is constantly feeling worried about some future events. In panic attacks a person tense for the outcome which he is not expecting to receive. But he expects something else than what is he worried for.

Apart from the above symptoms there are many other symptoms you may see in Anxiety or Panic attacks.

• Continuous sense of danger and panic
• Increased Heart rate
• Feelings of restless
• Sweating and trembling
• Feeling tired or weak
• Trouble in sleeping and eating
• Facing gastrointestinal problems
• Can’t control worry
• Having strong urge to leave things or escape from some situations
• Avoid social gatherings
• Irritability and aggression to avoid certain situation and places

These are the common symptoms for the Anxiety or panic attacks. Do you want to assess for your social anxiety attacks? Simply answer the below questions which will help you to understand your anxious level:

1. Do you feel sudden terror or fear in social situation?
2. Do you feel anxious, nervous or worried about any social situation?
3. Do you have thoughts of rejected, ridiculed or offended others?
4. Do you feel racing heart, sweating or trouble in breathing in any social event?
5. Do you feel restlessness or trouble in relax in social gatherings?
6. Do you leave social function or participate minimal or avoid going?
7. Do you spent lots of time to prepare yourself for the social function or gathering?
8. Do need some extra help to cope up with the social function?
9. Do you distract yourself before thinking about social function?

If you find above answers mostly in yes you need to consult a psychologist for further therapy session which will cure your anxiety disorders.

Please find below mentioned questions to understand your Anxiety or Panic attacks. You may need to count your feelings in past 7 days.

• I felt fearful.
• I felt anxious.
• I felt worried.
• I found myself hard to focus on anything.
• I felt nervous.
• I felt uneasy.
• I felt tense.

Kindly rate yourself from sever to normal. If you feel any five of the feelings as mentioned above you may consult a professional. To know more about your Anxiety or panic attacks you may book a session.